Lots going on in my life. Roller coaster of events some good majority bad.
Feel alone and desolated. Some days I can’t stop crying. What I would give for a hug off my mum and dad. Fortunately I know that will never happen again. Things keep reminding me of them.
Talks with friends mentioning happy family times is hard. I get a lump in my throat.
Not long till Christmas. Although I have some plans I can’t wait till it’s over. But the. Again mothers and Father’s Day will occur and these no way of me getting out of this vicious revolving circle.
I think when I find a kind caring decent man and have someone to occupy my time with things will change. However I don’t think this will happen anytime soon.
Have taken myself away from the world for a few days in an attempt to try and clear my head. No such luck however some lingering jobs I have done.
I just feel tired: fed up of waiting for my luck to change. I’m well overdue. Trying to keep positive is becoming more of a struggle. Find myself asking myself why was I put on this earth other than to care and always receive bad intentions.
I don’t want the sympathy vote. I realise life is hard. ‘Family’ to acknowledge me would be a start and to invite me and include me in social events.
This past few months I have realised that I have a few select good friends and they mean the world to me. If I didn’t have this support I don’t know where I’d be.
The tears have started again. I need to go so something to occupy myself and cheer the fuck up.
There are some good points to my life which is living alone and being very dependant. I like being able to go out on a whim and see my friends whenever and go to events.
Next year I’m hoping my mass submission of cv applications does some good and gets me a job. I think the barrier there is me caring for the past several years and not that much experience. We shall see.
Think I’ll sign off now and make some lunch! That sounds like a plan!!!