Changes and Improvements to becoming a better person

It’s taken me 3 years to find myself after losing my mother to decide and plan my future, to see how my career develops after a non enthusiastic last year of college.

I’ve started networking, bagged a few interviews and relationships to generate work, to keep myself occupied, to give myself something positive to focus on.

Low mood swings and depression with minimal people to talk to, to understand me, to rely on. Has made me into the strong person I am today.

I do’t rely on anyone now. I’m independent, I do what I want when I want and if people wanna be with me and join me on my road to successes and achievements, bonus and if not well they will get left behind. It is my time to shine and that’s what I’m doing, no one can put me down or belittle me as I am the stronger person.

This changes and improvements are self driven so i am guaranteed to stay motivated and focused enough in order to succeed!

I am thankful for what little family I have to support me but it’s the friends that support me that’s needed to give me strength to succeed and step up to become the person I want to be.

Negative people have held me back and I can see this now after I want change but I’m not going to let negatives hold me back from my wishes, dreams and aspirations!

A sense of responsibility

I feel accomplished to say that today marks a sense of achievement in that I am the bigger person, shown that I am in control and now feel as though I can relax and by that I will explain further.

The teaching opportunity I grasped by both hands at the beginning of February will be coming to an end in 10 working days., this will also follow with a greatly anticipated payday. .

In the past week or week and a half I have become more aware that teaching at this level, the surroundings, the commitment is not meant for me.  It is not the students nor my colleagues.I’m just not enjoying it and i need to be happy, there has been a handful of times i could have easily rolled over in bed in the mornings and gone back to bed.

The contract was initially set out to be till Easter and I will fulfil that request.

I feel that I’m letting colleagues down yet I feel a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I will be able to relax again and then concentrate on me. .

I mean when this job opportunity occurred I was offered another job that same week which I had to turn down. Now I will see during Easter break if the opportunity is available and consider applying, initially ensuring i a m ready for the commitment and to ensure my health and happiness are at a satisfactory level first. .

This may seem fussy and I do realise that I am lucky to have been given this teaching job without applying nor interview however I will end the job on a high in the fashion I intended it

I am glad I have trialed it. Given it a go but it is not my forte.

Whilst committing to this job I have not worked nor had the time or motivation to work on my own studies and course. Maybe that has affected my working moral, nor is the lack of wages the reason i am not enjoying it.

no one or anything has upset me to make this decision and i have done so in a way which ensures the students wont be left in a lurch with no teacher again and the work i have told them to produce will be in the making or i will have marked it!

Stepping up and admitting defeat shows signs of strength which only a strong-minded person can effectively do. So again this is another rant and not intended for reading but will now be published.

Not enough hours in the day

For what I want to do

  • to create
  • to achieve
  • to design
  • to complete uni work

Maybe next week I can work on finishing my website that I started in August last year.

Still some coding to do but the design is done.

Uni keeping me out of mischief. Teaching is fun. Constantly learning more about myself. Ict is just theory work. No fun stuff thus far. Ugh.

Busy times.

2014 so far

Not impressed.

Lots keeping me busy.

Christmas and new year was better than expected.

Feel like the world is on my shoulders.

Uni work is keeping me out of mischief 90% of the time. Lots of paper working. Enjoying learning again and majority of the people.

The subjects are dire. But like most things in my life I have to deal with the bad stuff and the good times are yet to come.

Planning adventures and happy times are keeping my mind active.

Have some nagging things on my mind which are out of my control but do need to be addressed one day or another.

Today has been good. Tonight I’ve done a bit of thinking. Feeling a little sad but not to get me upset. No tears.

I must always be positive. I am strong and can deal with anything. The knocks in my life have proven that and in still young.

What I would give for a hug and the words “everything will be alright” from my mum and/or dad would be amazing. However I know and at the moment can’t come to grips with will never happen 😥

The above will not suffice from anyone else.

I just want to be happy and stress free. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Now I’m setting and planning on chasing dreams as I need happy times always.

Reflections

Have been away – loved the time away. 

Felt like I have learnt more about myself

Have done more walking around – need to get more comfortable shoes I can walk for hours in for the next holiday though! 

Have learnt to live for the moment and if there was something I want/wanted to achieve I did it and didn’t let the opportunity slip by

I have learnt that I am judged – I am overweight but I’m happy and in control. I have things I want to achieve and being more active is one of them – notice how I’m saying I want to be more fit/healthy and not some skin and bones! I’m me – don’t like me – I don’t care. 

I still hate goodbyes – still upsetting – more now that I don’t have that much family left!

I don’t like returning to a cold house/no one home – I didn’t think I’d mind but I felt numb, Maybe be different when I’m in new surroundings

Need to upgrade my pc soon. 

That’s all for now, need my bed, do more of this Starfishing malarky XD