Not enough hours in the day

For what I want to do

  • to create
  • to achieve
  • to design
  • to complete uni work

Maybe next week I can work on finishing my website that I started in August last year.

Still some coding to do but the design is done.

Uni keeping me out of mischief. Teaching is fun. Constantly learning more about myself. Ict is just theory work. No fun stuff thus far. Ugh.

Busy times.

2014 so far

Not impressed.

Lots keeping me busy.

Christmas and new year was better than expected.

Feel like the world is on my shoulders.

Uni work is keeping me out of mischief 90% of the time. Lots of paper working. Enjoying learning again and majority of the people.

The subjects are dire. But like most things in my life I have to deal with the bad stuff and the good times are yet to come.

Planning adventures and happy times are keeping my mind active.

Have some nagging things on my mind which are out of my control but do need to be addressed one day or another.

Today has been good. Tonight I’ve done a bit of thinking. Feeling a little sad but not to get me upset. No tears.

I must always be positive. I am strong and can deal with anything. The knocks in my life have proven that and in still young.

What I would give for a hug and the words “everything will be alright” from my mum and/or dad would be amazing. However I know and at the moment can’t come to grips with will never happen 😥

The above will not suffice from anyone else.

I just want to be happy and stress free. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Now I’m setting and planning on chasing dreams as I need happy times always.

It’s been a while.

Lots going on in my life. Roller coaster of events some good majority bad.

Feel alone and desolated. Some days I can’t stop crying. What I would give for a hug off my mum and dad. Fortunately I know that will never happen again. Things keep reminding me of them.

Talks with friends mentioning happy family times is hard. I get a lump in my throat.

Not long till Christmas. Although I have some plans I can’t wait till it’s over. But the. Again mothers and Father’s Day will occur and these no way of me getting out of this vicious revolving circle.

I think when I find a kind caring decent man and have someone to occupy my time with things will change. However I don’t think this will happen anytime soon.

Have taken myself away from the world for a few days in an attempt to try and clear my head. No such luck however some lingering jobs I have done.

I just feel tired: fed up of waiting for my luck to change. I’m well overdue. Trying to keep positive is becoming more of a struggle. Find myself asking myself why was I put on this earth other than to care and always receive bad intentions.

I don’t want the sympathy vote. I realise life is hard. ‘Family’ to acknowledge me would be a start and to invite me and include me in social events.

This past few months I have realised that I have a few select good friends and they mean the world to me. If I didn’t have this support I don’t know where I’d be.

The tears have started again. I need to go so something to occupy myself and cheer the fuck up.

There are some good points to my life which is living alone and being very dependant. I like being able to go out on a whim and see my friends whenever and go to events.

Next year I’m hoping my mass submission of cv applications does some good and gets me a job. I think the barrier there is me caring for the past several years and not that much experience. We shall see.

Think I’ll sign off now and make some lunch! That sounds like a plan!!!


Have been away – loved the time away. 

Felt like I have learnt more about myself

Have done more walking around – need to get more comfortable shoes I can walk for hours in for the next holiday though! 

Have learnt to live for the moment and if there was something I want/wanted to achieve I did it and didn’t let the opportunity slip by

I have learnt that I am judged – I am overweight but I’m happy and in control. I have things I want to achieve and being more active is one of them – notice how I’m saying I want to be more fit/healthy and not some skin and bones! I’m me – don’t like me – I don’t care. 

I still hate goodbyes – still upsetting – more now that I don’t have that much family left!

I don’t like returning to a cold house/no one home – I didn’t think I’d mind but I felt numb, Maybe be different when I’m in new surroundings

Need to upgrade my pc soon. 

That’s all for now, need my bed, do more of this Starfishing malarky XD